This year has been crazy and we’re only three months in. Nearly dying, an impending move, so many changes in my life that I never saw coming. Some of them are good, others are difficult to find the good in. I’ve realized so much already. Now I just crave change. Change in myself and how I live my life. I’ve already spent so much time stressed and anxious about things to come. So many times I wish I could have realized that this is all a part of Gods plan and I have to leave it to him. I’ve begun to realize that so many things aren’t worth stressing or losing energy over. I could have been done that night. It all would have to come to a halt with so many dreams and goals and words lost to nothing. I’m tired of stressing over the things i can’t control. So fuck what everyone has to say. Life is too fragile to spend it worrying about the little things you can’t control. I want to stand before God at the end of my life and know that I did everything I could to use it to its full potential the way he intended. I want to leave nothing unfinished. I want to find my happiness in being alive and well and surrounded by people I love doing things I love to do. I want to be surrounded by his blessings and cherish it with every last breath.
I haven’t found my purpose yet. I haven’t found many things. I struggled for so long to find all of these things that I’m realizing now I’m just not ready for. But I know that when I am ready He will bring them into my life and show me my path. It’s feels amazing to let go of the stress of what i can’t control. Fuck what people think. When it comes down to it all that will matter is Him and all the blessings he has given me and will continue to give me.
